The Missing Fire
by Elvenkitty
Summary: PG-13 because of guest appearances. Story really is more amusing than it sounds. Folken takes away Dilandau-sama's fire. Whatever will he do *imitating southern belle* Please read, first posted Esca fic.


Disclaimer: Don't own anything, don't claim to. Don't own Escaflowne (would rather live it), Sailor Moon, Weiss Kreuz, Dragon Ball Z, Ronin Warriors, Gundam Wing, Fushigi Yuugi, or anything else. I just felt like having a little fun... hehehe... bwahahahaha*slap!* Hey!  
Note: Dilandau-sama is angry about something that occurs in this fic, so watch out for random attempts at slaps, 'k people? Also, Nikolai is one of my imaginary friends, I really do have a friend who has the title of Sailor Pluto, and I am insane. Really. YAAHH! Dilandau-sama's gonna really hurt me for this! *ducks a slap* Gotta go, bye!  
  
Dilandau-sama's fire is... Missing  
  
"I can't believe Folken listened to that stupid psychiatrist. I am not "overly fond" of fire... Chiku chiku chiku... chiku... MOREO!! Where did he hide the flamethrowers!!! He didn't have to hide them all. And the matches and fireworks... Dismantling the flamethrowers on my 'melef was overkill... Kill Van... Kill Van and Folken!" muttered Dilandau-sama as he stalked around the insides of a Zaibach floating fortress, ticked about the results of his trip to the psychiatrist, at Dornkirk's command.  
  
"Now where did he hide my toys... MOREO!"continued Dilandau-sama as he worked his way towards the guymelef hangar. "I know how to find them! CHESTA! Moreo... chiku..."  
  
"Yes, Dilandau-sama?"asked the blonde dragonslayer, running up to his commander out of nowhere.  
  
*Slap!* "Where is my flamethrower! MOREO!" yelled Dilandau-sama after he slapped Chesta. *Have to get in Dragonslayer harrassment/abuse points for the day!*   
  
"F-folken said not to tell--" *SLAP!*  
  
"I don't care what Folken said! Where is my flamethrower?!?! MOREO! CHIKU! VAN MUST DIE!!!"  
  
"I-I don't know, Dilandau-sama!"replied Chesta frantically.  
  
*Slap!* After having slapped Chesta yet again, Dilandau-sama walked off down the hall to continue his search for the "missing" flamethrowers. Completing his search of a few random rooms and a couple of hallways he wandered down, he (finally) came to the hangar.   
  
Dilandau-sama, becoming desperate for some fire to play with, noticed that *all* of the other guymelefs still had their flamethrowers (so he hadn't been in the hangar lately...). Sighing happily, he jumped into the pilot seat and pressed the (appropriatly) red button that started the flamethrower... Nothing happened. No flames, no fire, nothing. It was then, as Dilandau-sama was planning Folken's very slow, extraordinarily painful demise that he found... the note. It read:  
  
Dilandau, I see you thought of your Dragonslayers flamethrowers. You might be interested to know that I had all the flamethrowers deactivated. Have a nice day! ;P  
  
Folken, who knows where the fire is  
  
"ARRGH! That man is starting to annoy me... MOREO!!!!!" yelled Dilandau-sama in angry frustration, then, realizing that an engineer would be able to get the flamethrowers back on line, and might know where Folkie hid the fire starting stuff, he ran back towards the Command area of the Vione. On his way, he passed the "air-lifty-chamber-thingy", as he and the other dragonslayers called it, where the levi-stones that kept the floating fortress floating were stored. Suddenly, Dilandau-sama was struck *whap!* "Ow..." -Not literally! by inspiration. (That's where my muses went!) He quickly opened the door, grabbed a transportation/loading cart, and filled it with as many levistones as he could. Problem was, they kept floating off, so he had to toss a heavy canvas over it *plot hole, they were weak levistone. Wufei: WEAK-- Bethers: Don't. Even.* That done, he took his inspiration and the stones back to the hangar, where he found an air vent. Stopping the cart beside the shaft, he opened the vent and tossed a levistone inside. Knowing that his flamethrowers were metal and levistones are magnetic (Don't. Argue. *growl hiss*), he just waited. That is, until he heard a loud *clank* before heading in that direction. But he didn't take more than two steps before the outer hatch of the Vione disappeared (in flames).  
  
"MOREO!! MOREO! MOREOOOOOOO!" screamed Dilandau-sama in delight. Apparently, when magnetic levistones and fire mix, the resulting explosion causes a dimensional warp that zaps out part of our reality. The short version? Vione door go bye-bye. As a result, numerous expensive repairs were required, paid for by the salary reserved for that foolish psychiatrist, who was fired but didn't get far from the Vione before the wolves got him. Strangely, instead of killing him, after one look they ran off... but he was so scared he knocked himself off a cliff anyway. (Why? You'll see...) Meanwhile, Dilandau-sama was given back his flamethrowers, with a written apology from Dornkirk concerning his lapse into sanity. Dilandau-sama got to play with fire again, so he was happy.   
  
And everyone lived happily ever after...  
  
Wolf:*growls menacingly*  
Bethers: Except the wolves, who died.  
Wolf: *falls over dead*  
Bethers: And the psychiatrist, who is still falling, courtesy of my dear friend Sailor Pluto...  
Pluto: *bows modestly*  
Bethers: Give her a hand!  
Pluto: *pales and takes a step back as a severed hand lands at her feet*  
Bethers: Not literally! Sheesh!  
Random Person missing a hand: Sorry! *runs down and picks up hand, heads back to his seat duct taping his hand to his wrist*  
Bethers: Anyway--NO! DILANDAU-SAMA! YOU SHOULDN'T RUN WHILE HOLDING MY--*Dilandau-sama falls and lands on the dart he was holding* OoC darts. *sigh* Oh, well, this could be fun. Bye, people's. Say bye, everyone.  
The Dragonslayers: *wearing braclets engraved with their names, Authoress's address and phone number, and the words "If lost please return to..." (They got tired of the collars and threatened to form a union. Can muses do that?) Bye everyone.  
Bethers: Good boys... We'll order out tonight.  
All:*sigh in relief* (None of us can cook well, right Rowen?)  
Bethers: Well, ja ne. Review...  
Note: All of the muses my friends and I use wear ID bracelets. Just like the minions have the same information written on their shirts, just in case the ASPCA happens to pick them up (while plotting against us...). Except certain ones...AKA the ones I trust farther than Relena can throw them...  
Chichiri: I'm one, noda!  
Tasuki: Me, too! *drinking sake*  
Bethers: *mumbles* When he's not faced...  
Tasuki: Hey!  
Omi:*walks by holding OoC darts* Well, you might want to leave now. *smiles nervously at an annoyed Sailor Uranus and Heero Yuy*  
Aya: We're closed. Good-bye--  
Sailor Uranus: GET OUT!!  
Heero: Hn.  
Bethers: Ignore her, but not Aya-kun. Piccolo, Duette wants to speak to you, I think.  
Piccolo: But she always glomps me...  
Nikolai:Go, we need to work on the other stories.  
Bethers: Nikolai's back! Yeah! Imaginary friends occasionally disappear, then turn up unexpectedly, like now!  
Nikolai: Yeah... Oh, have you seen Dilandau-sama?  
Piccolo: *points behind Bethers, Hotohori, and a now-drunk Tasuki*  
Bethers: *turns around* Whoa!  
Dilandau-sama is now in a bright pink tutu dancing like a ballerina (like a small child does).   
Nikolai: Ok, now I'm nervous. *glances at the Tasuki-who-now-has-a-hangover* How did that sake wear off so fast? Oh, well, gotta go now. Bye.  
  
R&R! Or the pink tutu wearing Dilandau-sama will come dancing in your dreams... 


End file.
